Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
