i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
