i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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