I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
