sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
