plz talk dirty to me
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
