Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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