How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
