i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
