got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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