so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
