Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
