So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize