I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
