So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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