There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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