If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
