You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
