I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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