I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
