just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
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