dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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