made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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