I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just cropdusted the office
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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