ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
