Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
