My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
