And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
