He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
