I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
