She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
