Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
