There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
