I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
