Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
