That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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