i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
