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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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