Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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