Dual....:-)
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
