he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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