well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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