We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
