just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
