I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
