I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
