peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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