i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
