My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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