Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
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She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
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Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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