i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
