SEEEEXXX PLEASE
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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