Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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