my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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