i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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