I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
