maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
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