People in love make me want to vomit
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize