i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
