woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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