3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
