yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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