my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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