Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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