and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize