the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
she smelled like a LAN party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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