Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
