He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
